Femaleproblems
by SnowyWolfe
Summary: Sasuke knows Ino inside out and backwards but, there still manages to be so many problems within the two. Like accidental hair chop offs...looks like Mr.I can do it, can't do so well when it comes to...her.


A/N: I do not own Naruto, however so there is not confusion I made up Ino's middle name and Sasuke's.

Barenaked Ladies

One Week

_It's been one week since you looked at me__  
__Cocked your head to the side and said "I'm angry"__  
__Five days since you laughed at me saying__  
__"Get that together come back and see me"__  
__Three days since the living room__  
__I realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you__  
__Yesterday you'd forgiven me__  
__but it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry__  
_

"Dummy, I'm so tired of your behavior! You know what do your own damn laundry!" Ino cried throwing Sasuke's shorts at him.

"Hey, hey, hey, who puts money on the table? A 6 acre roof over your head? A nice triple Queen-sized bed and a kitchen as big as four guest rooms?" Sasuke antagonized for the 6th fight that week.

"Fine, give it back." Ino said with much fake resilience in her voice.

"Give it back…please?" Sasuke said for her.

"I am NOT your maid so—ugh! You know what keep it!" Ino screamed knocking over the load of heart-shaped laundry that Sasuke prefers. She turned and stomped out of the room, hailing storms were ever she went successfully cutting her hand when she forced her suitcase closed.

The problem in the relationship is:

Ino, happens to be the stay-at-home wife and Sasuke is the stay-at-home breadwinner. Ino is mature but, sometimes can't help but be immature when faced in a challenge. Sasuke is childish and demanding yet, sensitive and kind. They both have big personalities that shouldn't be tried.

Believe it or not, when they give each other the silent treatment Sasuke always wins without fail, due to his former mysterious and cold self which he decided to walk away from 10 years ago. He is 27 now and capable of love, because Ino refused to go into having kids if he didn't start showing some.

"On your way out tell one of the maids to do it." Sasuke simply said in return he got a slammed front door that shattered because it happened to have been made of glass. So he called the glass company—again and now surprise has run out of their system by now for the 18th time. (The glass company).

Ino opened her Mercedes Sasuke bought her last year and got in.

"Um…Ino-_chan_, what do you think your doing?" Sasuke asked being mean again. Ino got out of the car; threw the keys at the raven haired boy and proudly and promptly left the garage.

Sasuke cleared his throat.

"You've got to be kidding me…" Ino said staring at the very expensive white suitcase with her name in clear gold the most expensive kind.

"You…suck…" She said roughly taking her clothes out and kicking the suitcase over to him.

He smirked, then frowned. Ino hadn't cracked yet, he caught that her hand had bandage around it and she still chose to carry her clothes and things by herself.

"Ino, the suitcase is yours." Sasuke smiled, Ino's eyes widened and returned for it only for it to be snatched away.

"If…you come back." Sasuke said not other offer accepted.

"Never." Ino said refusing to give in to his crap.

"Alright. You chose your decision yourself. Here." Sasuke said handing it over but not without saying. "Chump change.".

Ino ignored it, then went across the street and stuck her tongue out. She decided she'd take the train, and Sasuke knew so because he saw her searched her pocket. She carried on empty handed; she forgot her purse at home.

"Your forgetting this." Sasuke said about to toss it to her. She speed walked over to him so he wouldn't have much of a chance to do any tricks before she came.

"But," he said putting it behind his back and guarding it with his body.

"If you promise not to take the train. Hands forward, sit on the hood of the car, feet open and tounge out. Just in case you cross anything." Sasuke ordered.

Ino did as told and promised not to take the train. And he genuinely smiled at her and complemented her by calling her beautiful. Ino blushed immediately and lightly said he wasn't so bad looking himself.

"Come on, really Ino? I read your diary: Oh…how could _I_ have married Sasuke Uchiha! He's soooo….ahhhh….gorgeous, simply sexy, hot, cute, so many words! Incredibly smooth, undeniably beautiful, handsome is so an under statement, his hair…those eyes pools of onyx, oohhh…." Sasuke said before he could finish because Ino ran in circles the whole time covering her ears and saying "lalalalala".

"Lair." She said in defense.

"If you say so. So are you staying?" Sasuke asked her half way in the door.

"Um…can you please say something?" Ino asked hurtfully and innocently all act of course.

"What?" Sasuke said easily catching her in her well-acted act.

"Can you, uh, plewease, pretty please with me on top say SORRY! FOR GOD'S SAKES, SASUKE!! ADMIT WHEN YOUR DAMN WRONG!!" Ino yelled at him. He ran out of the room dodging the display kunais' they kept around.

"I'm so sorry, I was wrong. Please forgive me. I know I had no right or good reason to have kept you so long without an apology, Love, I beg your pardon for my erratic actions. I love you, Ino." Sasuke said remembering the cards Shikamaru made for his wedding gift. 935,622 cards for apologies and Sasuke could easily ask him for some of the ones he's already used up on Temari. If Ino found out kch…snap! Pop! Goes the Sasuke!

_How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad__  
__Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad__  
__I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral__  
__Can't understand what I mean?__  
__Well, you soon will__  
__I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve__  
__I have a history of taking off my shirt._

"Sucker…" Sasuke smirked 3 days since their last blow-out. He had just gotten stubborn Ino to make dinner.

"It's 8 fricken' 34, how the hell does a grown man NOT DECIDE TO MAKE HIS OWN FUCKING DINNER??!!" Ino yelled at him, she just came back from a job interview, which 2 weeks ago her and Sasuke had a battle over it:

Flash back:

"_Ino Aria Yamanaka, how many times did I tell you I didn't get a prenup? I know damn well how to support you." Sasuke said angry at first, but now more calm. _

"_Then how can I be i-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t?" Ino spelled out so the girls in the café there were in couldn't listen. _

"_Why don't we just l-i-e?" Sasuke asked upset that his wife wanted to take place in breadwinning. _

"_Because, that d-u-m." Ino angrily whispered._

"_B." Sasuke said_

"_B?" Ino asked confused like 'what the fuck?' _

"_B, dumb has a b in the end of it." Sasuke informed her._

"_WHO CARES?!" Ino yelled at him._

"_The husband that will—what do you busy bodies want?" Sasuke shot a death glare at each person staring. Temari was about to get up but Shikamaru paid for the tab on Sasuke's name instead to please the little prankster inside Temari._

"_What's the big deal?" Ino pleaded._

"_Tradition." Sasuke said_

"_It's modern day." Ino said walking out, which meant the discussion was closed. Sasuke followed which made it open again and heated._

"_Okay, you want to do this? I want a 12 page essay on why." Sasuke said pissed off. _

"_Huh?? No way!!! Look, professor I can get a job if I so please so there." Ino said finishing it._

"_Hmmm….what does a college and/or high school professor have to do with Sasuke?" Sakura asked hearing the outside conversation early. When she got their full attention she continued. _

"_They either fucked her or a got a blow job from her." Sakura said as if the best insult-maker in the whole world._

"_And, Ino-kun, I thought you had a job." Sakura said provoking Ino, but she only made her embarrassed and wanting to cry._

"_Yeah, Ino-chan, you told us that. Sakura why'd you call her Ino-kun she's a woman. Wait? You did your professors?" Naruto asked considering become a professor part time._

"_No…" Ino said honestly ready to burst out in tears she hid behind Sasuke for shelter. _

"_Naruto-baka. What does a slut with no brains and testosterone and Sakura have in common?" Sasuke said defending her._

"_I don't know there pretty much a like." Naruto said getting hit upside the head._

"_What? I meant the tes-but you have tons of muscles! Girls don't do that, that's why I married Hinata." Naruto explained._

"_They never had me, and all genders make fun of them." Sasuke said opening the door for Ino to go into the car._

_Sakura stood there in total shock. _

Present Day:

"I didn't get it so no worries." Ino smiled. Sasuke gave her a hug and a silent relief swept over him

**

"_What?_ It looks perfect." Sasuke insisted when Ino couldn't get her a chunk of her bank to stay down. He was watching his game with Naruto in soccer 3 months ago and every time he sees it he still has courage he's gonna win.

"People, really? He only got that shot in because Rock Lee was getting side tracked by TenTen the cheater! She just had to give him "encouragement" ooh! Sasuke I'm sooo sorry I mean it wasn't intentional by any means my ass!!" Sasuke said still upset.

"Sasuke, should I---Sasuke! Pay attention…" Ino whined, when Sasuke tilted his head up wards to see her, he began to laugh so hard he choked because the lack of air.

"Jackass…" Ino said.

"Fine, fine…Go get the keys I'll go get you a haircut." Sasuke said.

"Noo!!! I'd never walk out like…this! You do it." Ino said, Sasuke accepted bravely he gave her nod. Sasuke gelled her hair and Ino started to freak out.

"Eeewwww!!! No _girl_ gels their hair Sasuke." Ino informed with her hands on her hips. He made her banks stand up anyway.

"Well—_this_ girl does, hold still—quit moving your gonna make me—" Sasuke could only gasp. Then brace himself for what was to come next.

Ino had no banks any more. She dashed all around the house for a mirror. But dumbass Sasuke told her to prove she wasn't superstitious and she got rid of all but the bathrooms and all the maids were in there. Ino went in anyway.

Ino shrieked, then began screaming at the top of her lungs, until it hurt to scream.

"You _told_ me to, Ino." Sasuke reminded her hands up for defense.

_Bbbaaaaadddd move. _

"ME?! SASUKE MAZUDIRO UCHIHA!! I TOLD YOU ONLY THE ONE THAT STUCK UP!!!" Ino screamed.

"We can fix this, I mean I will fix it. Sit down in the living room or actually go sit on the tub bar." Sasuke said. Ino went into the room sized bathroom and the maid finished up and left quickly. The bathroom was a hideout for Sasuke with a 67" inch plasma TV, a mini-bar and fridge in the closet with clothes an easy to escape window and a weights and lots of room.

"Here's a few supplies for me to use." Sasuke said with an arm full of stuff to style and keep down her hair in 1 arm and combs and clips in the other.

Ino looked fucked up.

Her once if brought down, mid back length now barley past her shoulder. A lousy 3 inches past. She was sure she was gonna get some kind of disease from all the excess amount of things in her hair. The clips were put randomly and she was bleeding a bit from how many times Sasuke ran a comb through her hair.

All she could do was cry.

Her hair hardened and Sasuke knocked on it and it sounded like wood.

"Um…look Ino, let me finish up dinner, we eat and we take you to a hair stylist tomorrow." Sasuke offered.

Ino couldn't talk she felt so ugly and only stared in the mirror then be too ashamed to look anymore.

"BUTTERCUP! I'M HERE! I SURE HOPE I'M NOT INTRUDING!! UCHIHA-BOY MY SON-IN LAW! YOU TWO BETTER NOT BE DOING A LITTLE AHAHAHA YOU NAH WHAT I'M SAYIN' A LITTLE HEHE---OH!! OH MY GOSH! NO! NO! OH MY! OH MY! SHIT!! SHIT KNOCKERS!!" Inoichi Yamanaka said freaking out.

Sasuke couldn't close the door fast enough.

"I-I wanted—I wanted to have d-dinner Hahaha I wanted to have—um 3rd meal with you two um…Ino dear, my how can I say this? Halloween is a day of the month, usually in October, the very end 31st to be exact. And um…you really aren't in light of that are you?" Inoichi asked a bit more settled.

Ino with her head down pointed to Sasuke, Sasuke covered for her and his ass.

"Hahaha!! Sucker!! You just got _Punk'd_ !!" Sasuke said Ino brightened up and without delay made it seem as if it were a joke.

"Honey—dammit! I told you not to run off when there's grocery in the car. Ino, Sasuke I hope you two haven't had dinner because—OH MY. INO HONEY!! SASUKE YOU MONSTER WHAT IN THE MOTHERFUCKING HELL DID YOU DO TO MY DAUGHTER?!" Ino's mom yelled at Sasuke in fury.

"Honey—you just got punk'd!!" Inoichi said as if he was the youngest hippies guy ever lived. Sasuke was too scared to say anything.

"What in the fuck is that—oh isn't it that nice T.V show with Ashton Ketchup? Or was it Catchum Ketcher?" Ino's mother said finally catching on.

After dinner Ino spent a good 8 hours trying to rinse all the stuff out of her hair and then used God's gift from heaven…

Shampoo.

Actually not a lot of hair fell out and it was smooth and undoubtedly looked as if it was kissed by a Saint and never was dirty (nor never will be) in all it's 27 years.

Sasuke stayed up too and helped out. They were exhausted completely.

_It's been one week since you looked at me__  
__Threw your arms in the air__  
__and said "You're crazy"__  
__Five days since you tackled me__  
__I've still got the rug burns on both my knees__  
__It's been three days since the afternoon__  
__You realized it's not my fault__  
__not a moment too soon__  
__Yesterday you'd forgiven me__  
__And now I sit back and wait til you say you're sorry__  
_

3:11 p.m.

Ino got up first and began to rub her eyes and felt a wave of cold air when she got out of bed.

"Why the fuck…" Ino said looking at herself over and over.

In came Sasuke with a hug smile plastered on his face. A tray of goodies for breakfast a note and one of Ino's favorite flowers.

Ino slapped him, harder than she intended.

He dropped the tray on contact his face was red but the slap wound even redder.

"Why did you take off my clothes?" Ino asked as if kidding, realizing she hit him hard but didn't know the full extent of the pressure and pain she caused him. His face was down, he couldn't move. Ino heard a sizzling sound and then a tear falling down. The wound was that hot.

Sasuke out of no where grabbed her arm forcefully and shoved her outside with no clothes. She sure made a sight for sore eyes. He threw a blanket a thin one but it covered her well enough.

She banged her fist on the door, not even caring how much she hurt herself she wanted to inside to hid her shame.

"Sasuke! I saw your wife naked!" was repeated 92 times on his house phone by 8 people which soon turned into 88 people calling him about it. Ino crawled though a low window which was open for her flowers. Sasuke refused to let her eat, but did allow minimal time for her to get clothes on.

"I hate you." She could've sworn she heard and could've sworn he did. It took 6 maids to beg on her behalf for him to feed her a small portion of food.

"Why? She doesn't appreciate nor deserve it." He said to him it made perfect sense and in a way it had.

"Sasuke-Sama, _please_. May I speak?" One of the meek and oldest maids asked respectfully.

"With will, elder." Sasuke said smiling.

"When we maids and you were sick, Ino took more than good care of us and some of us still gave her attitude and she sucked it up. Ino is a kunoichi, and being that most ninjas often males refuse to take recognition of a female. No matter how good, so she had to train herself to be better than them and her calling was ANBU Torture and Interrogation Unit. So she really had to work and some people would give her slight bruises. Sasuke-sama, please she didn't know how hard she had hit you. I beg think about it." The elder maid said

"Sasuke-Sama, if you will allow." The next eldest maid said.

"Hmnm…okay." Sasuke said

"Sir, Ino-Sama isn't perfect, her reaction was out of line. But, she may have had a nightmare or something along that or even um…she forgot she did it herself." The next elder maid said timidly.

"Be not afraid." Sasuke said smiling. The maids sighed.

"Give me time to think of a proper punishment." Sasuke said dismissing them.

Ino hugged them and thanked them.

**

"Ino. Due to your actions this has occurred, but now me being reminded by the maids of your reasoning behind such actions I have reached a punishment." Sasuke said searching her pleading eyes and regret filled the tears and such sorrow and sadness and her mouth begging for forgiveness told through a twitch. Her face screaming she was sorry.

"I made a list of pros and cons. And I'm deadlocked." Sasuke said

"I'm not that bad…" Ino said quietly.

"Being that as it may, I've decided…you're forgiven." Sasuke said smiling. Ino hugged him so tightly and long he had to breathe extra to maintain himself from passing out.

"Mwah! I love you!" Ino said to each maid and to Sasuke a poem and paper on how grateful she was.

"Oh…and Sasuke…I sorrwey, I went to bed in my towel then discarded my towel somewhere else and went to bed…" Ino said shyly.

**

"And Ino-chan, comes from the side tries to flip the Uchiha-teme! Unsuccessfu---oh wait!! There seems to be—YES!!! INO-CHAN HAS SUCCESSFULLY TACKLED THAT IDIOT, EGOTISTICAL. DUMBASS UCHIHA!!" Naruto bellowed as if a newscaster. Naruto jumped the couch running from Sasuke's anger. Sasuke didn't run that long all the rug burns made his body ache, Ino didn't even have one. Ah…what he'd give to be small, flexible, and careful…nothing. He likes himself to be cautious yet, automatic, thinking and quiet yet, as loud and rambunctious when needed to be.

"Hold still, how m'I suppose to help bandage the rug…Sasuke you're trying me—YOUR TRYING ME!!" Tenten screamed Indian burning the complaining Sasuke. Sasuke held in his pain because of dumbass Naruto and pain-loving Rock Lee. Tenten then gently helped to bandage him after using rubbing alcohol…for fun. Sasuke shot her glares for that.

"Retard…boyish…*grumbles* hold still Sasuke while I put my knee on your penis." Sasuke mocked under his breath. Ino giggled.

**

"SASUKE MAZUDIRO UCHIHA DO _**NOT**_ PUT THAT IN YOUR MOUTH!" Ino yelled as Sasuke tried to eat Pizza.

With olives, mint, gum, a bit of popsicle, broccoli, spinach, sausage, sushi, schnitzel, pepper, chowder, jalapenos, taco bits, lettuce, garlic, onions, fruit, vitamins, half milk sauce instead of pizza sauce, cubed cheese, blue cheese, mozzarella cheese, candy, and hot dog slices.

"Woman, I can eat whatever I want it's my body." Sasuke said eating it. Ino puked. Then Sasuke puked while puking they fought over which side of the sink in the kitchen they wanted. When they were done, Ino tried some and Sasuke just puked it all, all of it. Ino puked it all too.

"Hello? Hey, Choji, can you please pick up some Chinese food for Sasuke and I?" Ino asked with a tooth brush in her mouth. Choji and Shika often had to go to her place as kids so they know what she's saying even with a toothbrush in her mouth.

"Sure, no problem." Choji said Ino smiled and thanked him.

"You called Choji? With food? Especially Chinese food? You ordered Chinese food after puking." Sasuke glared.

Ino's eyes widened.

"He's loyal…" Ino said after banging her head for about a minute.

"That's fine, I know's he's your—shit." Sasuke said trying to catch Ino as she knocked herself out.

"Wha? What happened?" Ino asked.

"Oh so Loyal Choji, ate up half our food. You puked a lot then thought It was a good idea to bang your head against the brim of the kitchen counter, left the phone on and your hungry." Sasuke said

"I coulda told you that dummy." Ino said.

"*through intakes of food* you know…this is all…your fault…don't—don't you look at me like that…Mr. Weird food…" Ino said.

"Well, accomplice, who equally screwed up dinner you weren't shining all too brightly." Sasuke informed her.

They looked at each other, them simultaneously excused themselves from dinner.

"I'll race to bed." Ino dared remembering the food they left on their beds.

Sasuke won devouring it all before Ino could have a chance to jump as he held it above her when he snatched it away and stuck out his tounge.

"Crazy! Your crazy!" Ino said with her hands in the air.

_It's been one week since you looked at me__  
__Dropped your arms to your sides__  
__and said "I'm sorry"__  
__Five days since I laughed at you and said__  
__"You just did just what I thought you were gonna do"__  
__Three days since the living room__  
__We realized we're both to blame,__  
__but what could we do?__  
__Yesterday you just smiled at me__  
__Cause it'll still be two days till we say we're sorry___

_It'll still be two days till we say we're sorry__  
__It'll still be two days till we say we're sorry__  
__Birchmount Stadium, home of the Robbie_

"No." Sasuke said in a huff with his arms crossed pouting.

"Say ahhh…NOW." Ino said. Sasuke dodged_ every_ attempt.

"I _hate_ Yakitori, and you know it…jerk." Sasuke said.

"You will eat. Fine." Ino's eyes brightened up by something she saw on T.V. a few days ago when Sasuke was taking his shower.

"Mmmm…does that mean I can have it?" Ino asked.

"For all a care buy a full box of it." Sasuke said thinking he got off easy.

"Mmmm! Mmm! It's like my mouth is having an orgasm it's soooo good!" Ino smiled eating it, like it was completely delicious.

Sasuke's head couldn't help by pry from the T.V to her.

"Mmmm…where's this Japanese restaurant you got it from again?" Ino asked finishing half of the last of it.

"Let me have some." Sasuke said.

"Um…uh-uh, you didn't want it remember?" Ino said.

"Yes I did! Well…no, but, now I want It!" Sasuke said like a baby. Ino dangled the rest over her mouth. And plopped it in. Sasuke kissed her and swapped the food into his mouth then quickly swapped it back.

"Ewww!! Ino you t-_tricked_ me!" Sasuke accused.

"Sooo! Well nuh-uh not really. _You_ changed your mind." Ino said crossing her arms then became more mature.

Ino's eyes slid to the corner of her eyes and dropped her arms.

"I'm sorry." Ino and Sasuke said at the same time.


End file.
